Joe Public
Gabibbo's Finest
I'm not going to lie, there are days when I want more out of the NFL. It's like having a girlfriend buy you a shitty gift. I mean, the thought was there, maybe even the effort, but that sweatervest makes you look like you've got a serious case of man-boobage and no matter how many times you tell her it's not funny, she keeps calling you a B-cup and laughing.
But the one fucking time you make a joke about her tits, see what happens. Just you fucking see.
Sorry, where was I? Right, bitch-tits. I mean, the NFL.
The game I spent the most time on early this morning involved the Detroit Lions F.C. vs. the Kentucky Fried Hillbillies. Two things jumped out at me here. First off, Matt Stafford sucks. OK, that's not really true. But he's extremely frustrating and he leaves at least seven points on the field every single week, usually more.
What was interesting watching Stafford and Dalton in this game is that they're kind of the same QB right now. Both 2nd tier guys who, if they play a great game, will put up 30 and win. But more than likely they'll play average, make at least one or two significant mistakes, and whether they get away with them or not can change the result of the game. At least with Dalton you think the guy still has room to grow. Stafford, not so much.
A couple of easy examples of that, Stafford missed at least two TDs today because he couldn't take something off the ball when he needed to. You sort of figure on one of these a game from him, but not multiple times. On the other side of the ball, a highlight you'll see from Cincy is Dalton's deep ball to AJ Green. This ball is underthrown by 10 yards, it's a mistake and probably should be picked off. But Detroit's defense sucks, so not only is it not picked off, it's caught, the tackle broken and it's a TD. If you saw nothing else from this game, this sums it up.
The second point on this is that Detroit's defense really sucks. This is something you need to know if you don't already.
Good win for Cincy, though, especially for a team that has some good talent but really comes off as average. Their offense seems to consist of Dalton throwing up the ball for grabs and hoping his guy comes down with it, or getting it into the hands of Geo Bernard. Which, when you play the Lions means you're going to put up 24. But when you play a team with a defense ...
Since the Browns played late, let's save them for later—because you know you want to. Now put the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
Let's instead talk Birds. This was another one I watched a lot of. It was kind of painful. I mean, in one way it was great. The Philly fans were into it and the Birds' defense for the first time all year really looked like they were taking some pride in earning an NFL paycheck. That was good.
What was bad was pretty much everything else. I mean the racist played pretty well. But the rest of it was kind of shit. My gut tells me Foles is fine, he just played poorly and that he could/would be back if Vick's sore vagina is better by next week. Which, by the way, I think he will. Had Foles lit it up today—as he probably should have, these defenses aren't all that dissimilar—I think Vick might have played the 'I'm still hurt card.' As it is, I think he comes back because the door is open.
It doesn't hurt that the Birds get the Giants at home either.
Meanwhile Dallas goes to Detroit and God help me I'll probably bet the Lions, the over, or both again. But man, Dallas needs a running game. And to stay healthy. And even then they're still probably only the best of a really bad division.
To stay in that division, the Skins finally played the game everybody has wanted to see from them all year. More importantly, I think they've confirmed what's been suspected for at least two weeks, the Bears are going in the wrong direction. Forget Cutler going down and look at the scoreboard, the Skins put up 74 points today. Or maybe it just felt like 74 points.
Something to note, teams that can run some sort of read-option are a problem for the Bears. They had issues with it last year and it's still a problem. Lucky for them the only team they'll see with a lot of mobility will be Vick (if he's healthy) late in the year. Well, Freeman in a couple of weeks, but it depends on how much Minny will run him.
As for what's next for Chicago, it's tough to say seeing as how they have a bye and Cutler's all gimpy.
Speaking of the NFC North, Minny with Freeman is interesting, but if someone has any advice on how to play a brand new QB in their first game out I'd love to hear it. As a rule I almost always don't play those games, but QBs go down enough now that that tends to take at least one game off the board for me every week.
And then there's Green Bay. They're good. Cleveland is bad. More on the latter later.
Maybe the second best game of the day after Chicago/Washington, how about Houston/KC.
In the in-game there were a couple of good points made about KC. One being that their competition really hasn't been all that good this year—and may not be all that good all year long. That they get Cleveland next week supports that argument. But remember, they still have Denver twice, the Oakland road game, SD twice and Indy. Even if they're significantly better than SD (which one can argue) at least one of those games figures to be a tough game. (The other games on their schedule in case you're interested, Cle, @Buffalo, and @Washington). Point is, they may level off a bit, even if they do start 9-0 which is entirely possible.
It was also brought up that Andy Reid is still Andy Reid—which is true. And if you've watched KC's clock management and some of their coaching choices you know that's significant. Like Houston with Kubiak, or Cincy with Marvin Lewis, those decisions in the regular season are one thing and may not lose you games. But the playoffs are a different story.
Last, something to think about, KC has been playing with a lead a lot this year. And with Cleveland then @Buffalo on their schedule next, that may continue. But we don't really know anything about how this team comes from behind.
Which, normally would be where I'd insert a Steed joke. No pun intended. But come on people, if you want to keep riding Steed's ass at least offer to buy the guy a drink first.
But speaking of face down, ass up, hello Houston. Talk about a team that's having a season run away from them, this is it. And now the injuries start. What a nightmare. At this point you might as well roll the dice with Keenum and hope for a high draft pick. You have the talent to bounce back quickly, but there's no way it's going to be this year.
Which is also to say, you have to think this team quits soon.
Which I've said before about Tampa as well and I absolutely think that's about to happen. I mean, good for Glennon (44 pass attempts today is nothing to sneeze at), but it's not really like they were ever in the game. I think the biggest takeaway I have with them from today is, if Schiano wants to go down throwing, great, let's look at overs with them the rest of the way. They weren't getting there with Freeman, but maybe they will now.
Atlanta. I mean, everybody figured they'd do something like this today, but to me they're still the Houston of the NFC. And, honestly, had Houston played Tampa in Houston today wouldn't you have expected exactly the same result?
Tampa sucks, their season is over. So does St. Louis. So is their season. Oddly enough, Carolina's season may not be over. At least not yet. Granted there are three teams in the NFC North that are 4-3, but somehow right now Carolina is 3-3 and they still have two games vs. NO. It's probably wishful thinking seeing as how they have to go to both SF and Atlanta still, plus play NE. But hope is a funny thing. That they're .500 should give them some hope, and if nothing else that should keep them from quitting too soon. Just something to think about.
Speaking of New England, let's look at the AFC East.
NE was in a bad spot today with all those injuries on defense. On the road, it was just a good spot for the Jets. And, the more I see Geno Smith the more to me the Jets are a wildcard. Not that they're going to win the division. I don't think that happens, but I do think this might be that team with the rookie QB who's kind of a roller coaster all year, but ends up around .500.
Say what you want about the Jets, but they've been in pretty much every one of their games except the loss in Tennessee. And other than New Orleans, it's not as if their schedule going forward is filled with teams that are dramatically better than they are.
As for the rest of the division, I have a feeling a lot of people took a bath on Miami losing outright today. Mostly because, well, if you've ever seen Thad Lewis under center why would you think he'd beat a halfway decent NFL team?
Which is to say this:
What the hell do you really want to do with these teams. Play them only at home? Well, Miami just lost at home today. Play them only for unders—Buffalo is on their backup QB and they're still finding ways to put up, and give up, 20 a game. WTF?
I brought up Houston earlier, so we might as well stay with in the division.
Locker is back. If Locker is really back, Joe might hop on the Titans. There's something about this team. Forget today, SF is in a different class and Locker has been hurt. He was supposed to be out for like six weeks, I'm sure he's not 100%. But if he's healing, I think I like this team a bit.
Jacksonville update: Francesco Totti is still > Blaine Gabbert
Don't believe me, let's go to the video tape which I believe is in Arabic. Whatever, it's got all three goals, two of them Totti's from a huge road win last week. Note the spin on the first goal. Can Blaine Gabbert do that? CAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD NAMED BLAINE DO THAT? Answer: No.
I rest my case.
If the NFL was a soccer league in another country, Jacksonville would be relegated at the end of the year and replace with the San Antonio River Rats or the Birmingham Crackers.
Teams I look to finish the season with 10+ wins:
The last two are sort of right on the cusp based on their schedule.
Teams it's tough to see getting near .500.
What the hell do I do with you teams:
Oh, and before I turn this over to you, two things. First, I promised a wrap-up on the Cleveland Football Browns.
They suck.
Seriously. Go back and read anything about this team before Steny Hoyer was lost for the year, it all applies. It's nice that Josh Gordon is back, but Weeden's confidence looks lost, they have no running game without Richardson and the holes on their defense will allow them to be exploited by good QBs with good TEs every single time.
And last, I'll be out of town for work next week—Joe has to go to Texas for a couple of days, I get my shots on Tuesday—so you will likely be left to your own devices next weekend. God help us all.
Actually, God help me, I'm losing on the season. HELP MAKE JOE SMARTER, PEOPLE.
=)
But the one fucking time you make a joke about her tits, see what happens. Just you fucking see.
Sorry, where was I? Right, bitch-tits. I mean, the NFL.
The game I spent the most time on early this morning involved the Detroit Lions F.C. vs. the Kentucky Fried Hillbillies. Two things jumped out at me here. First off, Matt Stafford sucks. OK, that's not really true. But he's extremely frustrating and he leaves at least seven points on the field every single week, usually more.
What was interesting watching Stafford and Dalton in this game is that they're kind of the same QB right now. Both 2nd tier guys who, if they play a great game, will put up 30 and win. But more than likely they'll play average, make at least one or two significant mistakes, and whether they get away with them or not can change the result of the game. At least with Dalton you think the guy still has room to grow. Stafford, not so much.
A couple of easy examples of that, Stafford missed at least two TDs today because he couldn't take something off the ball when he needed to. You sort of figure on one of these a game from him, but not multiple times. On the other side of the ball, a highlight you'll see from Cincy is Dalton's deep ball to AJ Green. This ball is underthrown by 10 yards, it's a mistake and probably should be picked off. But Detroit's defense sucks, so not only is it not picked off, it's caught, the tackle broken and it's a TD. If you saw nothing else from this game, this sums it up.
The second point on this is that Detroit's defense really sucks. This is something you need to know if you don't already.
Good win for Cincy, though, especially for a team that has some good talent but really comes off as average. Their offense seems to consist of Dalton throwing up the ball for grabs and hoping his guy comes down with it, or getting it into the hands of Geo Bernard. Which, when you play the Lions means you're going to put up 24. But when you play a team with a defense ...
Since the Browns played late, let's save them for later—because you know you want to. Now put the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
Let's instead talk Birds. This was another one I watched a lot of. It was kind of painful. I mean, in one way it was great. The Philly fans were into it and the Birds' defense for the first time all year really looked like they were taking some pride in earning an NFL paycheck. That was good.
What was bad was pretty much everything else. I mean the racist played pretty well. But the rest of it was kind of shit. My gut tells me Foles is fine, he just played poorly and that he could/would be back if Vick's sore vagina is better by next week. Which, by the way, I think he will. Had Foles lit it up today—as he probably should have, these defenses aren't all that dissimilar—I think Vick might have played the 'I'm still hurt card.' As it is, I think he comes back because the door is open.
It doesn't hurt that the Birds get the Giants at home either.
Meanwhile Dallas goes to Detroit and God help me I'll probably bet the Lions, the over, or both again. But man, Dallas needs a running game. And to stay healthy. And even then they're still probably only the best of a really bad division.
To stay in that division, the Skins finally played the game everybody has wanted to see from them all year. More importantly, I think they've confirmed what's been suspected for at least two weeks, the Bears are going in the wrong direction. Forget Cutler going down and look at the scoreboard, the Skins put up 74 points today. Or maybe it just felt like 74 points.
Something to note, teams that can run some sort of read-option are a problem for the Bears. They had issues with it last year and it's still a problem. Lucky for them the only team they'll see with a lot of mobility will be Vick (if he's healthy) late in the year. Well, Freeman in a couple of weeks, but it depends on how much Minny will run him.
As for what's next for Chicago, it's tough to say seeing as how they have a bye and Cutler's all gimpy.
Speaking of the NFC North, Minny with Freeman is interesting, but if someone has any advice on how to play a brand new QB in their first game out I'd love to hear it. As a rule I almost always don't play those games, but QBs go down enough now that that tends to take at least one game off the board for me every week.
And then there's Green Bay. They're good. Cleveland is bad. More on the latter later.
Maybe the second best game of the day after Chicago/Washington, how about Houston/KC.
In the in-game there were a couple of good points made about KC. One being that their competition really hasn't been all that good this year—and may not be all that good all year long. That they get Cleveland next week supports that argument. But remember, they still have Denver twice, the Oakland road game, SD twice and Indy. Even if they're significantly better than SD (which one can argue) at least one of those games figures to be a tough game. (The other games on their schedule in case you're interested, Cle, @Buffalo, and @Washington). Point is, they may level off a bit, even if they do start 9-0 which is entirely possible.
It was also brought up that Andy Reid is still Andy Reid—which is true. And if you've watched KC's clock management and some of their coaching choices you know that's significant. Like Houston with Kubiak, or Cincy with Marvin Lewis, those decisions in the regular season are one thing and may not lose you games. But the playoffs are a different story.
Last, something to think about, KC has been playing with a lead a lot this year. And with Cleveland then @Buffalo on their schedule next, that may continue. But we don't really know anything about how this team comes from behind.
Which, normally would be where I'd insert a Steed joke. No pun intended. But come on people, if you want to keep riding Steed's ass at least offer to buy the guy a drink first.
But speaking of face down, ass up, hello Houston. Talk about a team that's having a season run away from them, this is it. And now the injuries start. What a nightmare. At this point you might as well roll the dice with Keenum and hope for a high draft pick. You have the talent to bounce back quickly, but there's no way it's going to be this year.
Which is also to say, you have to think this team quits soon.
Which I've said before about Tampa as well and I absolutely think that's about to happen. I mean, good for Glennon (44 pass attempts today is nothing to sneeze at), but it's not really like they were ever in the game. I think the biggest takeaway I have with them from today is, if Schiano wants to go down throwing, great, let's look at overs with them the rest of the way. They weren't getting there with Freeman, but maybe they will now.
Atlanta. I mean, everybody figured they'd do something like this today, but to me they're still the Houston of the NFC. And, honestly, had Houston played Tampa in Houston today wouldn't you have expected exactly the same result?
Tampa sucks, their season is over. So does St. Louis. So is their season. Oddly enough, Carolina's season may not be over. At least not yet. Granted there are three teams in the NFC North that are 4-3, but somehow right now Carolina is 3-3 and they still have two games vs. NO. It's probably wishful thinking seeing as how they have to go to both SF and Atlanta still, plus play NE. But hope is a funny thing. That they're .500 should give them some hope, and if nothing else that should keep them from quitting too soon. Just something to think about.
Speaking of New England, let's look at the AFC East.
NE was in a bad spot today with all those injuries on defense. On the road, it was just a good spot for the Jets. And, the more I see Geno Smith the more to me the Jets are a wildcard. Not that they're going to win the division. I don't think that happens, but I do think this might be that team with the rookie QB who's kind of a roller coaster all year, but ends up around .500.
Say what you want about the Jets, but they've been in pretty much every one of their games except the loss in Tennessee. And other than New Orleans, it's not as if their schedule going forward is filled with teams that are dramatically better than they are.
As for the rest of the division, I have a feeling a lot of people took a bath on Miami losing outright today. Mostly because, well, if you've ever seen Thad Lewis under center why would you think he'd beat a halfway decent NFL team?
Which is to say this:
- Miami
- NYJ
- Buffalo
What the hell do you really want to do with these teams. Play them only at home? Well, Miami just lost at home today. Play them only for unders—Buffalo is on their backup QB and they're still finding ways to put up, and give up, 20 a game. WTF?
I brought up Houston earlier, so we might as well stay with in the division.
Locker is back. If Locker is really back, Joe might hop on the Titans. There's something about this team. Forget today, SF is in a different class and Locker has been hurt. He was supposed to be out for like six weeks, I'm sure he's not 100%. But if he's healing, I think I like this team a bit.
Jacksonville update: Francesco Totti is still > Blaine Gabbert
Don't believe me, let's go to the video tape which I believe is in Arabic. Whatever, it's got all three goals, two of them Totti's from a huge road win last week. Note the spin on the first goal. Can Blaine Gabbert do that? CAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD NAMED BLAINE DO THAT? Answer: No.
I rest my case.
If the NFL was a soccer league in another country, Jacksonville would be relegated at the end of the year and replace with the San Antonio River Rats or the Birmingham Crackers.
Teams I look to finish the season with 10+ wins:
- Denver
- KC
- SF
- Seattle
- NO
- NE
- GB
The last two are sort of right on the cusp based on their schedule.
Teams it's tough to see getting near .500.
- NYG
- TB
- Jax
- St. Louis
- Houston
- Pittsburgh
- Minny
- Buffalo
- Atlanta
- Arizona
What the hell do I do with you teams:
- NYJ
- Dallas
- Cincy
- Miami
- San Diego
- Chicago
- Baltimore
Oh, and before I turn this over to you, two things. First, I promised a wrap-up on the Cleveland Football Browns.
They suck.
Seriously. Go back and read anything about this team before Steny Hoyer was lost for the year, it all applies. It's nice that Josh Gordon is back, but Weeden's confidence looks lost, they have no running game without Richardson and the holes on their defense will allow them to be exploited by good QBs with good TEs every single time.
And last, I'll be out of town for work next week—Joe has to go to Texas for a couple of days, I get my shots on Tuesday—so you will likely be left to your own devices next weekend. God help us all.
Actually, God help me, I'm losing on the season. HELP MAKE JOE SMARTER, PEOPLE.
=)
John McClain 
