**Week 11 NFL/NCAAB/NBA/NHL** In-Game

While in college I was dating this girl who was always on some kind of fad diet (despite not being overweight) and was always trying to eat healthy. Anyway one night we were out late and got pretty fucking hammered and retired to the dorm room. After having sex we both decide that we are starving. All I had in my room was Easy Mac, Tostitos, and some random assortment of candy. She decides to throw the diet thing out the window and we both chow down on the junk food in the room.
Before we go to bed she leaves to go to her room and returns and takes some medicine from her room. She tells me that all that junk food is going to give her terrible cramps in the morning so she's going to take this to help prevent it. I ask if she is sure that it is a good idea to take it with all the alcohol we had been drinking and she says that it will be fine (spoiler alert: it wasn't)
Around 6am I wake up, I feel like dog shit as we had only gone to bed about 2 hours earlier but something is keeping me from falling back asleep. It's at this point that I realize my girlfriend had shit the bed, ALOT. Again these are dorm room beds so the only way for 2 people to sleep in one is essentially to spoon with her ass pressed against my crotch. Both of us are covered in shit. I wake her up and she is immediately hysterical out of embarrassment. Turns out the "medicine" she took the night before was a stool softener so that she wouldn't be cramped in the morning.
I tried to console her for a few minutes but then realized that my roommate had spent the night with another girl but would be back soon as he had to be to work by 9am. We grab a garbage bag and stuff it with our shit covered clothes, the sheets, blankets, and pillow cases. Then we both wrap ourselves in towels and run to bathrooms to shower quickly. We then return to the room and take the garbage bag to the nearest laundramat, while she washes everything on the hottest cycle possible, I drive to the grocery store and buy a jug of anmonia, lysol, and bleach. I then swing back to the laundromat and pick her up with the newly washed sheets and clothes. We return to the room, which reeks, and put all the fans we can find by the window blowing out to get rid of the stench. We scrub the bed, floors, pillow, wall, everything down with the various cleaning supplies. She then goes to her room and gets as many scented candles as she can find and we light and place them all over the room (it looked like Seal was going to shoot a music video). At this point we are so exhausted that we both pass out on the bed we had just re-made.
Within about 25 minutes my roommate walks in (moment of truth) looks around and says "Man it smells great in here, did you guys sleep with all these candles burning, that shit's dangerous." I have never told anyone this story and doubt very much she has either.
 
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