This is fucking hilarious and the best part is that every single bit of it is true.
10 Things to Look Forward to
10 Things to Look Forward to
Your stomach will cramp from laughing
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Fondybadger
CTG Partner
good shit
) Going back to campus and exaggerating how much ass you'd re-get in college
If you were still in college, you would get so much pussy.
You would smash ass at such an record-shattering pace that it would lead to televised Senate hearings. See that hot girl? You would tap it. That blonde? You would crush it. The curly-headed one? Your id just fucked the shit out of her id. Doggystyle.
‘Man, do you know what I would do if I were still in college?’
If you were still in college, parents would send their daughters to school with fucking wrought-iron panties. Dads would order their daughter's va-jay-jays to retreat to Helm's Deep to avoid being ransacked by the massive armies of your cock.
Never mind real life, and all the times you went home empty-handed and jerked it to Windows-Media-Player-porn.
Nevermind all the times you got shot down in front of the entire fucking bar, took home the fatty, or got too drunk to spit game and was turned down by an army of 3 A.M. Plan B’s.
Because if you could do it again, you would be fucking Pierce-Brosnan-with-the-cameras-rolling. Your dick would be so active, it would have a resume. You would fuck until '1-UP's starting popping up over your head. You would would fuck like Star Power.
Oh, and all the girls now are hotter than they were when you were there.
All of them. You have to say it. It's a rule. It has nothing to do with the fact that you’re used to working in an office all day with 35-year old women with tank asses and titties that look like Zip-loc bags full of water.
21 year-old girls now are hotter than 21 year-old girls were in the ancient bygone era of 1998-2002.
Uh huh. And you could bag them all.
:36_11_6::36_11_6::36_11_6:
If you were still in college, you would get so much pussy.
You would smash ass at such an record-shattering pace that it would lead to televised Senate hearings. See that hot girl? You would tap it. That blonde? You would crush it. The curly-headed one? Your id just fucked the shit out of her id. Doggystyle.
‘Man, do you know what I would do if I were still in college?’
If you were still in college, parents would send their daughters to school with fucking wrought-iron panties. Dads would order their daughter's va-jay-jays to retreat to Helm's Deep to avoid being ransacked by the massive armies of your cock.
Never mind real life, and all the times you went home empty-handed and jerked it to Windows-Media-Player-porn.
Nevermind all the times you got shot down in front of the entire fucking bar, took home the fatty, or got too drunk to spit game and was turned down by an army of 3 A.M. Plan B’s.
Because if you could do it again, you would be fucking Pierce-Brosnan-with-the-cameras-rolling. Your dick would be so active, it would have a resume. You would fuck until '1-UP's starting popping up over your head. You would would fuck like Star Power.
Oh, and all the girls now are hotter than they were when you were there.
All of them. You have to say it. It's a rule. It has nothing to do with the fact that you’re used to working in an office all day with 35-year old women with tank asses and titties that look like Zip-loc bags full of water.
21 year-old girls now are hotter than 21 year-old girls were in the ancient bygone era of 1998-2002.
Uh huh. And you could bag them all.
:36_11_6::36_11_6::36_11_6:
Tide High
p90sex
You think you’re jealous? How do you think other former mediocre Ohio State quarterbacks feel? How fucking pissed would you be if you were Craig Krenzel? While Herbstreit is out smashing on hot Big-12 puss, you’re sitting at home jerking it to the 2002 calendar year and having wet dreams about phantom pass interference calls.
S
signalcaller
Guest
I would love to be Herbstreit man. Does anyone think theres any doubt he hasnt smashed Erin Andrews. And the dude gets to talk football non stop. Hes right up there with Justin Timberlake on my luckiest men on earth pole
Tide High
p90sex
this author has to be from bama. love the two bama refs. can't wait for saturday.
For instance, there is perhaps no jersey in college football as simple and elegant as the white-on-red home uni of the Alabama Crimson Tide. And what better way to show your home-game allegiance to an old-school masterpiece than by trashing it up with white zebra stripes, 3D numbers, grey shoulder squares and D-cup-sized elephant logos?
Unless you're a Florida fan. In which case the time that Chris Fowler made that dig about Urban Meyer's 28-point loss to Alabama is clear evidence of an ESPN-wide plan to, in fact, shut the UF football program down.
For instance, there is perhaps no jersey in college football as simple and elegant as the white-on-red home uni of the Alabama Crimson Tide. And what better way to show your home-game allegiance to an old-school masterpiece than by trashing it up with white zebra stripes, 3D numbers, grey shoulder squares and D-cup-sized elephant logos?
Unless you're a Florida fan. In which case the time that Chris Fowler made that dig about Urban Meyer's 28-point loss to Alabama is clear evidence of an ESPN-wide plan to, in fact, shut the UF football program down.
S
signalcaller
Guest
Yeah and not afraid to admit it. Dont even get me started on this shit again BAR. Dude is a genius.
broadwayjoe
May 5Dimes MLB 2nd place
funniest article i've ever read hands down...
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