The reason I wish it is true is strictly for the money making opportunity for us bettors. There is plenty of evidence. He has left a job before with similar reasons under similar circumstances (sleeping with co-eds to his OSU issues as well) to get away from the heat. He's a compulsive liar and we all know that. So, the retirement thing gets laughed at for good reason. He likes to settle into 'good' situations. Remember, those 06-07 Gators teams were built by the Zooker, not Urban. He was merely the coach that got them to the summit (and much credit to that). We know he spent that year doing broadcast work scouting the conference and walked into a perfect situation at OSU. Now ...he can go feast on a conference with no real formidable obstacles at a University that recruits flock to(just like OSU). He'll walk into a bevy of talent and energize the fanbase immediately. The pac12 might be weaker now than even the big10 was when he went to OSU. It's really the perfect situation.
I will say that if you've been fading SC since the Kiffin era then you've been doing very well for yourself from a monetary perspective. I think SC is a better moneymaker in their current and perpetually overinflated role as a gutless, poorly coached team vs having to pay an astronomical premium should Urban set up shop and create a monster. Since the Carrol era, look at their preseason rankings relative to their end of season rankings. There is no better time than now
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A lot of your reasoning seems fueled by emotion which detracts from an argument that might otherwise contain logical, objective points. The 'sleeping with coeds' stuff has been said about every fanbase's rival coach since the beginning of college football fandom. It's silly and not based on anything factual that I'm aware of (feel free to correct me here). Your feelings on Urban being a dishonest person doesn't lend any credence as to why he'd land at SC specifically. Unless SC is a unique college football job that requires liars and immoral people. But as it relates to your point of dishonesty regarding Urban's stated feelings on retirement...the issue isn't whether or not Urban will coach again, but rather will he land in Los Angeles and why?
What we can agree on from your argument is that SC has a rich football tradition, is located in a recruiting hot bed, and the PAC 12 is ripe for scorched earth level domination. But I don't know if these are reasons enough to feel that Urban to SC is a mere formality.
My rambling stream of thought as to why Urban/SC might not be likely to happen:
-The university itself has been plagued with one embarrassing scandal after another. Some of them financially costly. There's an interim president and an overall lack of leadership. It's a clown show administration. The university might not want to go all-in on a guy like Urban when they're in a particularly vulnerable position. Likewise, Urban might not want to go all-in on a university that simply cannot get out of it's own way.
-Zero precedent for the athletic dept making splashy football hires. Zero precedent for elite coaches flocking to SC for HC openings. Remember when Tom Herman to SC was a lock? It just may not be as plum of a gig as people think it is. The administration may not care enough about football to do what's necessary to become a powerhouse (grater emphasis on academic ranking in recent years) or it may be that they simply do not have the financial resources to attract/hire elite coaches. Like I said, some of those scandals really hit SC in the wallet. To the extent that those payouts affect the athletic budget I do not know. But it doesn't help. Now if SC brings in a brash new AD from outside the Trojan-only circle jerk and is hellbent on making big changes...then I might readjust my position on this.
-LA isn't the midwest and it's not SEC country. I've lived there and have spent a lot of time at both LA schools. I love it there but It ain't for everyone. There is an issue of cultural fit. Urban can live anywhere in the world and yet he chooses to make his primary residence in Ohio. There is something that keeps him there. Probably a lot of things.
-Among those things...Urban's entire family lives in Ohio. His kid plays baseball at Cincinnati. His grandchildren are in Columbus and he has a son-in-law on the OSU football staff. Are they all coming to LA with him? Or maybe it's a complete non-factor and Urban and the wife will bounce to LA on their own.
-If Urban was THE GUY for SC then why not hire him now? If you're really serious about this and have the money to do it then you buy out Helton this very second and go get your man before the ND job opens up. You also do it before Helton does further damage to the program.
-We mentioned the possibility of Kingsbury having been the coach-in-waiting. Obviously you don't bring in Kingsbury if you have Urban in your back pocket.
-Why would Urban leave a better job in OSU (where he had the program humming) to rebuild SC? The only answer that makes sense here would be possible strained relations with the university. But if the situation at OSU was so intolerable then wouldn't Urban completely disassociate himself from OSU instead of taking a job as an associate AD? I think there is a legit issue between Urban and President Drake but my guess is that Drake will be a goner pretty soon.
-Urban has mentioned he would only coach if he has his support staff in-place. He just set up the whole Ryan Day transition thing in order to maintain continuity and to keep his support staff at OSU. So he sets this up along with his AD gig only to rip the OSU football staff a year later and bring them with him to LA? Certainly not impossible, but a ballsy move nonetheless.
-Health issues. Do they get better? Worse? He was visibly unwell throughout last season. You can't throw $70 million at a coach who is keeling over on the sidelines. I know some people believe that he's faking which doesn't make any logical sense to me. What is the motivation for doing such a thing? I get it if you don't like the guy and you feel he's really mean or a liar or whatever. But faking this whole thing would cross over into the territory of a serious mental illness.