This One Time....at Band Camp.....

[detroit187]

The Ohio State University marching band is in some shit after an investigation revealed the band to be more or less Porky's with tubas and kettle drums. A report stemming from the university's two-month investigation has quite a few details on the internal goings-on of the Best Damn Band in the Land, including the raunchy nicknames bestowed by upperclassmen (like "Pat Fenis"), explicit fight songs for rival schools, and "tricks" performed by members.
Let's start with the tricks, which the report defines as "acts individual Band members perform, either on command or at their own volition." One girl pretended to have an orgasm on her younger brother's lap. Her nickname, according to the report, was "Squirt."

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Each new member of the band got a nickname. The report provides a list of some of them, including "Jewoobs." How does one pronounce "Jewoobs"?

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There was also a booklet of vulgar fight songs for many other schools. (Flip to page 51 of the report.) They're quite explicit.

And some other non-fight songs made by a very bad Weird Al:

Band director Jonathan Waters—un-nicknamed, so far as we can tell—was fired as a result of the investigation; a replacement hasn't been named. Former Ohio Attorney General Betty Montgomery will lead a second investigation.

 

[detroit187]

 

[detroit187]

 

[Schrute]

Aside from the being in the band part, sign me up

 

[KJ]

OH

IO

 

[detroit187]

lol, i guess its pretty normal in even high school bands. never knew a bunch of nerds were so damn horny when playing at games. i would of went for the band chicks, christ.

 

[Fondybadger]

a cum stain of a state

 

[sportjunky]

"thumper" lmaooooo

 

[detroit187]

"thumper" lmaooooo

i like taint brush the best.

 

[KJ]

mushroom stamping the band seems like common sense

 

[eggman]

I don't understand what the big deal is here?

 

[orangemonk]

I don't understand what the big deal is here?

well the Hitler song and homophobic slurs are going way too far but the sexual stuff and nicknames, no big deal there

 

[gps_3]

Not sure I'd like to find out why a girl in the band is nicknamed "Squirt." On second thought, I'd probably still want to know

 

[JumpOnBoard]

some of that shit is hilarious...i understand why he was fired though from a PR standpoint...the band did some cool shit at halftime shows last year too

 

[KJ]

Catch 22, he had to go from a PR standpoint but the lawsuit he brings against the university will have merit

Puts the OSU in a pretty tough situation

 

[Fondybadger]

Sounds like a standard Big 10 band. Wisky has had their problem over last five years or so as well.

 

[B.A.R.]

some of that shit is hilarious...i understand why he was fired though from a PR standpoint...the band did some cool shit at halftime shows last year too

Yeah, the one was amazing.

 

[tipyerbartender1]

Marching bands have been drunken maniacs on the loose for as long as I can remember. Nerds off the leash for the first time.