michigan spring notes

HUNT

CTG Partner
Staff member
Nick Sheridan, a walk-on is first on the depth chart. yikes. RRod likes his qb to play fast and so far, Sheridan has stepped to the plate. Will be interesting to see how this situation unfolds.


A starting olineman (Boren?) may have quit the team, presser today.

The defense from what i read looks good, offense-not so good, got a long ways to go, learning a new system, new qb, new everything.

I expect there to be 70% underclassmen starting in fall, including a freshman qb (feagin) he knows the offense, and is fast.

this regime is much different than the old one, practices are intense, uptempo, in your face, profanity laced but most of all-fast and fierce.

all players have to run the length of the field after every play....every play.

will be some growing pains this year...all depends on qb play.

the country club is closed.
 
The defense will be good, no doubt. Growing pains yes, but not like a 6-6 year IMO.
 
I hope not bro, I was optimistic a few weeks ago with Threet at qb....but a walk on being #1 on the depth chart is a little disheartening.

Although, I don't think it can get much worse than last year right?
 
The University of Michigan football team donned pads for the first time during spring practices Thursday, but first-year coach Rich Rodriguez said there wasn't a whole lot of hitting going on.
Instead, the emphasis was still on fundamentals, and frequently, just making sure everyone found their proper places on the field.
"I always tell them if you don't know where you're going, run in place," Rodriguez said afterward. "There were quite a bit of guys just running in place."
The coach said he expects the confusion to continue for another week or two as the Wolverines keep learning his spread offense and the defense of new coordinator Scott Shafer.
Along with principles, the coach continued to talk about conditioning, as in, the Wolverines need to get in better shape - an issue that pops out during film study.

"After watching film I'm usually more discouraged than encouraged because you see a lot of things on film like 'Geez that guy's not running full speed,' " Rodriguez said. "There's a little disclaimer on that because sometimes I tell 'em: 'The two worst things you can be is lazy and soft, and sometimes fatigue makes you both of those.' We've got to stress that we've got to get in better shape. I don't think that we've got lazy guys, or soft guys, but sometimes you may look like that on film if you're not quite in shape the way you need to be."
Brown hurt
Tailback Carlos Brown, expected to compete for the starting job with Kevin Grady and Brandon Minor, suffered a broken finger while lifting weights and will miss some practice time. Rodriguez said he's hopeful that Brown will return before spring practices end in mid-April.
Rodriguez added that, so far, Minor has been impressive in practices, and singled him out as a vocal leader on offense. Defensively, veteran cornerback Morgan Trent is assuming a leadership role.
More on injuries
Tailback Avery Horn, defensive tackle Will Johnson and Grady have all returned to practice after recovering from hamstring injuries. Wide receiver Zion Babb, a freshman last season, is still out with a hamstring issue. Rodriguez added the defensive tackle Renaldo Sagesse, also a freshman in 2007, will miss the remainder of the spring because of an injured shoulder.
No Pryor talk
In a long-anticipated move, the nation's No. 1 high school player, quarterback Terrelle Pryor, picked Ohio State over Michigan on Wednesday. But if Pryor's decision bothered Rodriguez, the coach wasn't letting on. "I only talk about the guys that play for Michigan," he said.
Of the three quarterbacks participating in spring practices - Steven Threet, David Cone and Nick Sheridan - Rodriguez described them as quick studies.
"They're very attentive, very coachable," he said. "They've probably learned the system in this short period of time as well as any place I've been. But they've still got a lot, lot, lot of things to work on."
 
<TABLE class=shsTable cellSpacing=1><TBODY><TR class=shsTableTtlRow><TD colSpan=5>Schedule 2008</TD></TR><TR class=shsColTtlRow><TD style="WIDTH: 15%; TEXT-ALIGN: left">Date</TD><TD style="WIDTH: 65%; TEXT-ALIGN: left">Opponent</TD><TD style="WIDTH: 20%; TEXT-ALIGN: left">Result / Time</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>8/30</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Utah</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>9/6</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Miami (OH)</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>9/13</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at Notre Dame</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>9/27</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. 24 Wisconsin</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>10/4</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. 20 Illinois</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>10/11</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Toledo</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>10/18</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at Penn State</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>10/25</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Michigan State</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>11/1</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at Purdue</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>11/8</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at Minnesota</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>11/15</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Northwestern</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>11/22</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at 5 Ohio State</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
 
too bad about carlos brown breaking a finger/hand for a second year in a row.

thanks bar.
 
I see an 8-4 season and if the defense plays to expectations and the offense evolves quick enough then 9-3.
 
I can see that too, but I have to see the qb and team play before i can go out and make any predictions....

this is a new everything and people would be crazy to bet the first michigan game of the year, although everyone and their mom will be on utah.

it is only spring tho...its early.
 
It is confirmed in RRods presser today that Michigan's best returning Olineman, Justin Boren, left the team

Arrington, Manningham, Mallet and now Boren..that is 4 of the top guys on O that left...me thinks it might be a loooong season....as of today.
 
keep these updates coming.

looking at michigan games for some nice under values. defense will be sick. offense ... well .....i will have to see it to believe it. think 9-3 is VERY optimistic despite the pansy schedule.
 
For those interested in the stadium renovations...








pipe-graphic-cover.gif


Construction at Michigan Stadium continues in the first year of the three-year renovation project, and the considerable amount of work planned for the nine months between the end of the 2007 football season and the start of the 2008 campaign is proceeding on target.
"Even though we have been having a rough winter, we are still ready to meet all our scheduled construction deadlines," said Mike Stevenson, senior associate athletic director.
All the activity surrounding the stadium has many fans wondering what the facility will look like this coming fall. And thanks to the architects at HNTB and the remarkable capabilities of computers, the Athletic Department is able to offer a preview of how Michigan Stadium will look when September rolls around.
stadium-fall-2008_470.jpg

The most obvious additions are the massive steel superstructures that eventually will support multi-story masonry structures as well as elevated concourses on the east and wide sides of the "Big House." During the season, construction crews will fill in the superstructures with more steel and start boxing in the structures.
Visible in the rendering at the north end of the stadium are two new buildings. The one on the west (right) side will house a medical facility, the department of public safety headquarters and lavatories. The east building includes space for the M-Den (merchandise sales) and game operations as well as additional lavatories for men and women.
A large amount of earth was moved on the east side of the stadium when foundation and caisson work was done (seen in this photo gallery from January), but by the time football season arrives, the east concourse will have been restored.
While the stadium will be ready in September to welcome more than 100,000 fans each game day, construction work will continue Monday through Thursday prior to home games. "We will use Friday as a clean-up day for the game," added Stevenson. "When the team is on the road, we are going to work seven days a week."
 
<TABLE class=shsTable cellSpacing=1><TBODY><TR class=shsTableTtlRow><TD colSpan=5>Schedule 2008</TD></TR><TR class=shsColTtlRow><TD style="WIDTH: 15%; TEXT-ALIGN: left">Date</TD><TD style="WIDTH: 65%; TEXT-ALIGN: left">Opponent</TD><TD style="WIDTH: 20%; TEXT-ALIGN: left">Result / Time</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>8/30</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Utah</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>L</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>9/6</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Miami (OH)</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>9/13</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at Notre Dame</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>9/27</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. 24 Wisconsin</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>10/4</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. 20 Illinois</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>10/11</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Toledo</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>10/18</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at Penn State</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>10/25</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Michigan State</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>11/1</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at Purdue</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>11/8</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at Minnesota</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow0Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>11/15</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>vs. Northwestern</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR><TR class=shsRow1Row><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>11/22</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>at 5 Ohio State</TD><TD class=shsNamD noWrap>TBA</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>


Fixed it for ya. :pillow:
 
UTAH ML!!!


haha thanks for the updates guy, I'll be adding a SC one once Spring concludes
 
Maybe some of you michigan guys can answer me this. Why is the defense supposed to be good this year? Also, besides the instability at QB why is the offense supposed to be as bad as you guys are talking about because finding athletes to run the spread offense isn't as hard as most think.
 
frankie...for offense, the zone blocking will be more lateral instead of vertical, and the coaches want ALL of the olineman to know how to play all Oline postiions and want the RB's, slots, and WR's to know how to interchange as well. It is a whole new scheme, playbook, timing, and all positions are up for grabs...there are two returning olineman coming back..not good...WR's who don't have a lot of game experience, and a RB by comittee....with a qb who will have no game experience. This offense will also be a varation of an option spread attack.

The guys have been practicing for 3 and 4 years under a pro style offense and learning a spread option/read isn't as easy as one may think.


As for the defense...A lot of returning starters are back secondary should be solid..altough rod doesn't care who is returining he is only playing the best. the dline is solid with graham, jamison and taylor back..LB's have OZeh and Herron has looked great in spring along with Evans. The schemes are easier to adjust to on defense, they will be an attacking, blitzing unit...not 10 yards away from the ball bend don't break anymore.
 
frankie...for offense, the zone blocking will be more lateral instead of vertical, and the coaches want ALL of the olineman to know how to play all Oline postiions and want the RB's, slots, and WR's to know how to interchange as well. It is a whole new scheme, playbook, timing, and all positions are up for grabs...there are two returning olineman coming back..not good...WR's who don't have a lot of game experience, and a RB by comittee....with a qb who will have no game experience. This offense will also be a varation of an option spread attack.

The guys have been practicing for 3 and 4 years under a pro style offense and learning a spread option/read isn't as easy as one may think.


As for the defense...A lot of returning starters are back secondary should be solid..altough rod doesn't care who is returining he is only playing the best. the dline is solid with graham, jamison and taylor back..LB's have OZeh and Herron has looked great in spring along with Evans. The schemes are easier to adjust to on defense, they will be an attacking, blitzing unit...not 10 yards away from the ball bend don't break anymore.

appreciate the write up hunt, are you gonig to the spring game by any chance?
 
How many more do you think leave?

Translate that Beaverspeak for me....

I see TT's name pop up every day, and considering his size, I could see that...

Who's the young DE?

another OL?



Also, lot of rumblings of Boren to tOSU, esp after the Free Press article last night and the dispatch comments from his dad this AM...

He'd have to pay his own way though...or we could just offer his brother..
 
How many more do you think leave?

Translate that Beaverspeak for me....

I see TT's name pop up every day, and considering his size, I could see that...

Who's the young DE?

another OL?



Also, lot of rumblings of Boren to tOSU, esp after the Free Press article last night and the dispatch comments from his dad this AM...

He'd have to pay his own way though...or we could just offer his brother..


i think it's too early to discuss choices for Boren. I think he is making comments right now out of spite because he feels like he got a raw deal at michigan.
 
Boren will go to the bucks supposedly..haven't caught up to it yet.

Jump, don't be surprised if Sagesse, Slocum, Taylor and D. Warren leave by end of spring....yes, D. Warren. He and several others had to be convinced to wait it out through the spring. I can see 5-7 more leaving...most of the kids absolutely hate the running...I can only imagine what it will be like during two a days.

Van Bergen at DE? I haven't heard rumblings of him leaving...yet.

Several freshmen coming in summer to complete oline...O'neill might even start. CIulla and Mitchell are gone from the oline along with Boren.

Moosman, Molk, MCcovoy (sp), Schilling and Zirbel are at oline for now.

RRod refuses to do a two deep depth chart until the week before the first game.

Gotti, Spring practice is closed to the public...it's at Saline high school becasue of the renovations at the big house. Saline is a suburb about 10 minutes from A2. It is supposed to be on the big ten network though..I think April 12?
 
yo ! you gonna have enough guys to field a team ?!?!

great information in here. leep us updated on the soap opera, hunt.
 
I've read that RR went from 85 to 57 scholarships athletes on his team his first year at WVU...so it's not unprecedented..

It's certainly weird for them all to be u're best players...
 
Vk and Jump..I can't keep up with it..feels like someone is leaving daily lol..and like jump said, quite a few good ones, It tells me no one has a starting gig locked up no matter what your star status is...shit, they have a walk on qb 1st on the depth chart now...I'll let u guys know the best I can.
 
Don't shoot the messenger, but several insiders are saying this is the best defense they have seen since 97.
 
Michigan just offered 09 QB recruit Shevodrick Beaver. He's a pretty good dual threat QB but is in a year when the QB position in Texas is loaded.

I would sign him up just for that damn name!
 
I can see 5-7 more leaving...most of the kids absolutely hate the running...I can only imagine what it will be like during two a days.

Kids hate running? What kind of country club was Carr running, anyhow?
 
im glad these kids are leaving... michigan needed an overhaul, they have so much talent and underachieve every year. people quitting means RichRod is probably doing something right.
 
Not to "knock" Michigan...I actually root for Big Blue against most Big 11 teams...especially tOSU...:tiphat:

BUT can we PLEASE not hear anymore comments about the academic integrity of UM versus other big time NCAA programs?

MANNINGHAM’S WONDERLIC SCORE “REAL AND DESERVED”

Posted by Mike Florio on April 26, 2008, 10:55 a.m.
Comments from league insiders continue to flow into PFT headquarters regarding the disclosure that Michigan receiver Mario Manningham (who might not even be able to spell his name correctly on a consistent basis) scored a six in the Wonderlic.
A league source has further confirmed that Mario did indeed pick a six, saying that the score is “real and deserved.”
Per the source, Manningham showed low intelligence in some of his team visits, which will not help him reverse a steep slide of what once was believed to be a round-one draft stock.
But there’s no denying that Manningham is a phenomenal athlete. Even if he might ultimately need to have the ten letters in his last name tattooed on his fingers and thumbs.

A SIX on the Wonderlic is equatable to borderline retardation...:36_11_6:

Mully :cheers:
 
shav beaver and kevin newsome in the fold...much needed depth at qb for the good guys.
 
Positively brutal: U-M players seeing benefits of Barwis' demanding conditioning

Angelique S. Chengelis / The Detroit News

ANN ARBOR -- The great ones lead by example.
But in this case, Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez is willing to let it slide.
When Rodriguez was asked if he trains with Mike Barwis, the Wolverines' high-octane strength-and-conditioning coach, Rodriguez gave a you've-got-to-be-kidding-me response.
<!--startclickprintexclude-->
<!-- OAS AD 'ArticleFlex_1' begin --><SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- OAS_AD('ArticleFlex_1'); //--> </SCRIPT><!-- OAS AD 'ArticleFlex_1' end -->
<!--endclickprintexclude-->"Why would I let him torture me?" Rodriguez said, laughing.
He has a point.
But after what might have been described as a hate-hate relationship with Barwis' demanding, multi-dimensional training practices, Wolverines players now say they are believers. Not that it's gotten any easier -- in fact, they said they expect the summer conditioning program to be absolutely brutal -- but they are seeing positive results.
Players talk about how they have "bought in" to Barwis' approach to strength and conditioning and how their bodies are leaner, and how they know these changes ultimately will pay dividends on the field.
"The first couple workouts were really tough for me," receiver Greg Mathews said. "A lot of things were running through my mind. Emotionally, mentally, I was wreck. I've worked hard but I never knew what it took to be a champion and to be the best wide receiver in the nation. Coach Barwis has given me a sense what it takes to be the best.
"He is so high-intensity and he demands the best. He doesn't care if you're tired. You still have to make your time, and if you don't, you will be there all day until you make your time. He demands so much from you, and I love him for it, because most players would just be like, 'All right, he's going to let me slide because I'm tired.' But coach Barwis doesn't. When you're running, you're like, 'Man, I can't stand him, I hate him.' But when you're done, you're like, 'Man, I really appreciate the things he did for me.' We've bought in, so we kind of see what he's doing for us now. We kind of love the fact he's there for us and he pushes us so hard now. We've learned to appreciate it now."
Keeping the edge

Rodriguez brought Barwis with him from West Virginia. They are, as Rodriguez said, "Tied at the hip." Why? Because Rodriguez's spread option offense requires speed and quick reaction and, most importantly, the ability to maintain that speed and reaction deep into the fourth quarter when players are fatigued.
When Barwis arrived at Michigan, athletic director Bill Martin splurged and purchased $1 million in new weight equipment. The room is grand and state-of-the-art. It also features a beverage bar with a variety of concoctions including Gatorade and that old favorite staple from youth, chocolate milk. (It apparently supplies the optimal ratio of carbohydrates to protein to help refuel fatigued muscles.)
Ask Barwis what it is he's teaching, and you'd better set aside an hour just to listen to his detailed, breathless account. His speech pattern is rapid-fire as he launches into a mesmerizing dissertation of what he calls a multi-dimensional holistic approach to strength and conditioning.
Barwis and his staff stress:
• Olympic movements -- clean-and-jerk and the snatch weight lifting (lifting a barbell from the floor to locked arms overhead in a smooth movement). These moves help develop power, speed and strength and require accelerating a weight from a point below the hips to above. A strong core is critical.
• Plyometrics -- This type of training involves toughening tissues and training nerve cells to make muscles contract as long as possible in the shortest amount of time. It's all about quick, explosive movement. Plyometrics are used to increase the speed of muscular contractions, with the intention of increasing vertical jump or speed of a punch or throw.
• Speed training -- This involves a considerable amount of sprinting and changing direction, both of which are required in football. It helps develop a strong core, which stabilizes the body and helps with powerful leg and arm action. All he preaches is based on bioenergetics, a field of biochemistry.
"Everything we do is applied from sciences," he said. "If it's not scientifically sound, I won't use it."
Price must be paid

The training is intense. Tuesdays and Thursdays are nothing but speed and agility training. Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays are lifting, and the team conditions on Mondays and Fridays. The Wolverines run four days a week. While lifting only three days weekly might seem light, Barwis believes all the other work develops each player's control of the explosive ability of his body.
"It's a large variety of training," said Barwis, who has a degree in exercise physiology from West Virginia, where he ran the entire athletic department strength-and-conditioning program. "It's rigorous, I'm not going to lie."
The reward for Barwis, he said, is seeing the athletes understand the benefits of his approach.
"We hated it at first, thought we were going to die, but we're getting in shape, and our bodies are changing," senior cornerback Morgan Trent said.
When asked if he found the Michigan players "soft" when he arrived, Barwis was careful not to disparage Mike Gittleson, the previous strength-and-conditioning coach whom Barwis calls a pioneer in the field and one of the reasons why he has a job today.
"At the same time, he had a very different approach than I did," Barwis said. "They were more machine-based, more repetition. We do more dimensions of training. The kids physically had never been through these kinds of things before. They hadn't done much core work, plyometrics, balance, speed work, agility. But honestly, I'd say 95 percent of the places in the country don't do all that. It's a unique system."
Barwis is a firm believer in pushing the body beyond what the mind thinks it can do. He also wants nothing to do with individuals who feel a sense of entitlement.
"When we look at what we're trying to achieve, it's not about needing something or wanting something -- you have to work to get it; that's the bottom line," he said. "If you want something, you have to pay the price to be there. If you're physically and mentally pushing yourself to your limitations every day, when you get in that position in a football game, it's a comfortable place for you because you've been there every day. Whereas the opponent gets to that position where they feel fatigued, they're breaking down. They're uncomfortable. They want out of that spot. That's good. That's where we want to put them.
"We never try to weed anybody out, but some people don't want to pay the price to be where they have to be. Some people assume that in life they'd rather be the person who just wants something rather than the person who goes and gets something. Working as hard as you can possibly work to achieve a goal is not for every person and that's OK if that's the decision they make. I can't control that. We have to have the right kids, with the right attitude, who want to work. You're going to see kids fall out of there because they don't want to pay that price. The kids that do will be successful. Bo (Schembechler) coined a phrase, 'Those who stay will be champions.' It's probably the most accurate phrase you can have."
No rest to be best

The Barwis-Rodriguez partnership was forged about seven years ago at West Virginia.
"Where he goes, I go; that's how it works," Barwis said. "I have the utmost respect for him. He's the best coach in college football. He cares about his kids more than anybody I've worked with. He pushes them hard because of that. I would expect that if I turn my son over to someone and I ask him to get him ready, I don't want him to coddle him, I don't want him to hold his hand, I don't want him to nurse him, because life isn't that way. That's not reality. I don't want him to teach him to be weaker than life is going to treat him."
Rodriguez recently joked about the amount of media attention Barwis has received since coming to Michigan.
"He's like a YouTube icon now," Rodriguez said. "He's not seeking that out. He just does what he does, enjoys doing it and has great passion for it."
Barwis strides purposefully through the weight room, full of energy. He said he derives his zeal from the athletes. It must be transferring to them, because even former Michigan players Larry Foote, Braylon Edwards and Victor Hobson have sought out Barwis in recent weeks.
Clearly, though, Barwis' focus is the current Michigan football team. He has promised them the summer conditioning will be beyond intense. It will feature even more running. They know, however, they are chasing the fourth quarter and outlasting opponents.
"We've made tremendous strides," Barwis said. "Are we ready yet? No. We've got a long way to go, but we're going to be ready when the ball drops. And these kids are dedicated to making that happen."
 
lmfao...

this S&C myth shit is getting outta hand..

Mike Barwis says jump and u can leap tall buildings w/in a week..
 
"Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!"
"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"
"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"
"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"
"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."
"He sweats Gatorade"
"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."
"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"
"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."
"He sheds his skin once a year."
"He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."
"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"
"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."
"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."
"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"
"Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."
"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."
"They found $60 in change in his stomach."
"He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."
"He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."
"Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."
"He date raped David Bowie."
"He once inhaled a seagull."
"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."
"It was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."
"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."
"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."
"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."
"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."
"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
"He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"
"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"
"He has dandruff
 
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